My Journey to Overcoming Adversity
An adverse birth
Life can be such an irony - I was born on the 1st of April, yes April Fool’s Day, and trust me that’s not the worst of it. What a joke, it's April Fool’s Day and I’m born breech with a parasitic twin, meaning I was born with my underdeveloped twin’s abdominal organs inside of me. This meant that my abdominal organs were duplicated so 4 kidneys, 2 appendices, duplicated colons etc.
To make matters worse my spinal cord was not fully formed, it protruded outwards in a fatty tumour like mass called a lymphoma. That led to a diagnosis called Lypo Myelomeningocele which is the reason behind my paralysis. With all those abnormalities I’m quite certain my mom hoped it was all an April Fool’s joke and that someone would say ‘April Fools!, here’s your normal new born’.
That never happened. Instead, I stayed with her in hospital for 2 years undergoing corrective surgery. She went on to name me Bongumesiya, an African name which means ‘give reverence to the Messiah(God)’ which is formidable given the adversity that she was presented with.
Overcomingadversity daily
I consider myself a joker because I try to make light of every adverse situation I’m faced with. My disability, like many adversities, is an uncomfortable constant: so making light of it helps me find solace in it.
I make fun of my one leg being smaller than the other; I poke fun at my disability and even my tough upbringing. This makes people around me comfortable and they find it easy to approach me. It helps me see things positively and gives me momentum to strive.
To that extent I’ve been able obtain a Bachelor of Commerce degree, play sport at a National level, start-up a disability rights fraternity, and most recently start work as an intern at a leading multinational company.
The ability to step back from your situation and perceive things differently is key to overcoming adversity.
Being born with duplicated organs means I was born with abundance; and naturally, that abundance that manifested itself inside of me had to translate to my life externally.
There are people born without limbs, sight, speech, hearing and in that regard I was blessed because I was born with more than enough. My many scars as a result of corrective surgeries keep me grounded and remind me of how much I’ve overcome.
You can overcomeadversity too
We are all faced with adversity; be it psychological, physical, social, calamity induced or even self-diagnosed.
My disability does not make me immune to the rest of life’s challenges but I apply the same philosophy to overcoming those challenges.
When faced with a challenge I envision myself overcoming the challenge and then I slowly take steps toward actually overcoming it.
Surround yourself with positive and inspirational people who will force you to see yourself beyond your adversity and help you become the greatest version of yourself.
Grateful Fridays: Reflections from this week
Today is my 10 year wedding anniversary. [YAY!!!] A perfect day to reflect not just on the events of this week, but also to look back on the last ten years of partnership with my husband and celebrate how far I/we have come. Here are some things that I am grateful for:
- My life partner. I have so much to say here, but words never seem to do my gratitude justice. So I'll keep it short and sweet. I am grateful - not just this week, but eternally - for your calm, thoughtful and loving presence in our home. You keep it together during the moments of unbridled joy AND chaos and allow me the break that I sometimes need when I transition from work-mode to mommy-mode. The love runs deep here. Thank you always, and Happy Anniversary, babe!
- My fierce mother. Yesterday was my mom's birthday. She lives in Trinidad, so it's been several years since we've been together to celebrate her in person. Before leaving for work yesterday, I got my family together to record a video of us singing her Happy Birthday and then towards the end of my day, her early morning, I called to wish her Happy Birthday again and catch up a bit more. I miss her terribly during these moments, because I feel so far away, but it is so reassuring to hear her speak of how proud she is of her children and the job she did raising us. I am grateful that I had a strong, extremely hardworking and loving mom raise me to become the strong, extremely hardworking and loving woman I am today. Thank you, Mom!
- Spring. Finally! After an unseasonably dark, cold and wet May in Basel, including one day of surprise snow, the weather finally started looking up this week. The sun was out in all its glory, causing the temperature to rise and coats and scarves to recede from view. I am grateful for the sun and the trees, and the flowers, and summer attire, and sunglasses, and the good moods, and all the other sweet goodies that came flowing out as a result of the change in weather this week.
- 'Dancerobics' at the gym. I recently joined a gym and decided to take one of their dance classes this week. Even though I knew that it would not really be anything like the more technical dance classes that I'm used to, I was looking forward to leaving the office early on Tuesday to experience it. It was a sort of samba style, zumba class with fast-paced choreography that I had a hard time following at times (it didn't help that the teacher taught the class in Swiss-German, which I still do not understand); but I broke a good sweat and had a blast. I am grateful to have had an opportunity to move my body around to choreography again and look forward to trying out some other classes soon.
- My in-laws are in town! I love my husband's parents and truly enjoy visiting them in Maryland or having them visit us wherever we are. When I returned home from work yesterday after they'd arrived, I walked into a lovefest between them and the girls. It makes me happy that they have these precious moments together because the memories will last a lifetime. I am grateful to have them here, and (sssshhhhhh!) look forward to taking them up on their offer to babysit a couple days while they're here ;)
- Budding mentee relationships at work. I gravitate towards people who are willing to be themselves around me; people who don't pretend to be perfect and happy all of the time; aren't afraid to share when they are struggling, or unhappy; and trust me to open up and have a real conversation. This week I was fortunate to have had really wonderfully authentic conversations with young women who I care about. I am grateful that they feel comfortable enough with me to be vulnerable, and are open to hear my stories as well. I look forward to having more and more of these conversations in the future.
So what are you grateful for this week? I'd love to hear from you.
My Gratitude Practice
In the middle of last year, I set an intention to manifest a change in my life. I bought a small journal, and on the first page, I penned a letter to my future self, visualizing what I felt I needed to STOP and START doing in order to see that change come to fruition.
This practice of reflecting on paper quickly became habitual. It was also surprisingly therapeutic and nourishing: like exercise for my mind and food for my soul. I was excited that I'd discovered this new outlet to process the feelings of hope, frustration and fear that were constantly emerging because of this desire that I'd manifested.
When I experienced setbacks and slumps, the journal was a real lifesaver. I'd write to remind myself of my mother's mantras, celebrate even the tiniest of 'wins', and acknowledge that the tension I was feeling was a good thing: because this tension - this 'struggle,' really - was a sign that I was striving for something better.
"All striving comes from lack, from a dissatisfaction with one's condition, and is thus suffering as long as it is not satisfied; but no satisfaction is lasting; instead, it is only the beginning of a new striving. We see striving everywhere inhibited in many ways, struggling everywhere; and thus always suffering; there is no final goal of striving, and therefore no bounds or end to suffering."
Arthur Schopenhauer (German Philosopher), The World as Will and Representation, Vol. 1
Since that first future-self letter, I've continued to turn to my journal, not always every day but with decent regularity, to reflect on the things that I am grateful for - big and small. And when I don't get to the journal (especially on the weekends when being fully available for my family takes precedent or laziness washes over me), I have fun just shouting out things I'm grateful for with my kids. Things like: "We love you TREES! We are grateful that you are here and you have leaves on you now that it is Spring. Thank you for being so green and beautiful!" that seem silly, but are true reflections of how we really feel and also help to fill our home with a lighthearted positivity that lasts until Monday.
Now I know that this whole gratitude practice / journaling thing is not for everyone. For instance, if you're working through extremely painful or complex issues, expressing gratitude alone may not be a sufficient or satisfying solution - neither if you simply don't enjoy writing, nor if you're already where you want to be in life... you get the point. But if you're working towards a clear goal and want to find more appreciation for, and enjoyment in the process of working towards that goal, then it doesn't hurt to give it a try.
- Helpful Resource: I follow @commandinglife on Instagram because I like their inspirational daily quotes, but they also sell a daily inspirational journal that gives you the tools to get into the practice more easily.
So What Am I Grateful For?
After learning of Brene Brown's TGIF | A Weekly Gratitude Practice, I was inspired to start sharing some of the things that I am grateful for on this forum as well.
But not in this post... not yet.
I don't plan on sharing everything that I'm grateful for everyday because for me it's important that some things in life remain personal. Plus, I'm sure that you will get bored.
So sharing a summary of my week's highlights on Fridays seems like a good place to start. I'm excited to see how it goes, and hope to hear from you on your week's highlights as well.
Stay tuned!
I am inspired by: Nakhane - South African Musician, Actor, Writer
I was introduced to Nakhane about a month ago by my husband. He shared a Sound Exploder episode decoding "New Brighton," one of the songs on Nakhane's 2018 album You Will Not Die, because he thought I'd like the story and the song. My husband was right.
I loved both the story and the song, and was quite honestly so deeply affected by the raw honesty in the song's lyrics, Nakhane's commentary about the origins of the song, his complicated relationship with religion, the influences on his life choices and his ongoing evolution as an artist, that I was hungry to learn more. I was particularly inspired by his vulnerability and courage, and wanted to somehow get closer to this talented, complex and authentic artist so I could vibe off of his unique energy. I instantly became a fan. And as I continue on my own journey of being vulnerably courageous in all of my life's pursuits, I am happy to have acquired another relatable inspiration.
We can learn so much from the people around us who demonstrate this level of bravery and humility in their life's work. For certain, Nakhane won't be everyone's cup of tea, so no pressure to become a fan yourself. But if you are open to new experiences and your interest has been piqued, feel free to check out that Sound Exploder episode I referenced above.