I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up

I grew up around friends who knew what they wanted to be. I, on the other hand, had no clue. While I didn't feel too terrible about it, I did feel like I was missing out on something communal. To get in on the action, I either needed to (1) discover exactly what I wanted to be, or (2) at least know what to say when I was asked the question: "What do YOU want to be when you grow up?" I chose to do the latter.

Fortunately, I was surrounded by cues on what would be acceptable to say. There were the books in my Early Readers series that told stories of mummies and daddies who worked in hospitals and schools and offices, doing important things all day while their kids were at school. There were the 'let's-pretend-we're-grownups' games played during recess that allowed me to try out different roles. But perhaps the most overt signals came from the adults around me whose palpable excitement could not be contained when a child exclaimed "Doctor!" "Lawyer!" "Astronaut" or "President!" in response to that taxing question.

So when I turned 6, I decided on [DRUM ROLL] ... Doctor. It wasn't what I necessarily wanted to BE, but it was what I had decided to say: it was a frontrunner in all the above scenarios; and adults seemed to adore the idea. So I kept the ruse going well into early adolescence.

But by 15, my genuine disinterest in medicine revealed itself. I found my Biology and Chemistry classes to be interesting, but more tedious than I had patience to tolerate. I loved applying myself and was never one to shy away from my studies, but this felt different. The work didn't feel worth it.

I don't recall telling my mother that I no longer wanted to be a doctor, but I must have, because at some point, I switched into the subjects of Business and Spanish and she raised no memorable objection. But inside, I was a bit confused: I still felt the same pressure to narrow in on a set of subjects that would be the foundation of a future profession, yet had no natural inclination towards any particular area. Well, except for dance. I wanted to be a dancer. But that was not going to happen. Subject for another post.

So I stayed the course with Business and Spanish and went on to major (naturally) in International Business at University. The passion still had not emerged, and I had no idea where inside that field I would want to land, but I ploughed away. I continued ploughing away through Business School all the way to my first corporate job... and that's when, with the help of caring coaches, exceptional managers and empathetic mentors, I began to uncover some truths about myself and nuggets of wisdom that continue to propel me forward in life.

• It's okay to not know what you want to do when you grow up. Not having a clearly defined vision of a final professional end state made it easy for me to say yes to new opportunities. I probably would not be where I am today if it wasn't for this mindset.

• Understand what you like to do inside of your job, then find ways to do more of it. Early on in my career, I recall feeling extremely anxious about my future. Although I was doing well in my job, I felt like a fraud because in my mind, I was destined to be doing other things with my life (like dancing! or running a small business!) and my new reality was inconsistent with this vision I had for myself. With the help of my then Life Coach, I was able to understand and embrace the fact that there were elements of the work that I truly enjoyed - problem solving, working on a team, storytelling, etc. - because they were strengths transferred from my former life as a professional dancer. These became some of my 'must haves' as I moved into new roles.

• You don't have to end up where you started. Whether it's a new opportunity inside your current company, a cross-functional assignment, a change of company, a side hustle on top of your day job, or a return to education to enter an entirely new field, you have the power to mix things up, experiment and make changes in your life. It is never too late to start something new - you can have as many acts in life as you desire.

So tell me... when you were younger, did you have a clear picture of what you wanted to be doing when you grew up? Are you doing it, or has life taken you onto other paths which you had not initially imagined for yourself?

It's OK to Introduce Your Coworkers to 'Weekend You'

How different is the Weekday You from Weekend You? If you've crafted a unique persona for the office to deal with the demands of work or to better fit in with your company's culture, you're not alone.

I once worked with a young woman who confided in me about having created two very distinct identities - a professional and polite weekday persona, and a political and social activist weekend persona - which she went to great extents not to mix.

I asked her why she kept her lives so separate, and was struck by the conviction she expressed in explaining why cultivating and maintaining a weekday character - one that was extremely subdued, smiling and compliant - was essential to her survival in Corporate America. I understand why she felt the need to make microscopic adjustments to how she 'showed up' at work in order to survive her different professional experiences, but couldn't relate to some of the more extreme measures she had chosen to take to conceal her true personality.

So I talked to more people who felt similarly to better understand why they felt that they had no choice but to hide from office-view, the versions of themselves that only family and friends had the joy of experiencing - their Weekend selves. The reasons given were extremely nuanced and complicated, so I've tried to extract from their stories the most common themes:

1. There are right and wrong ways to present yourself - or at least this is how you feel when you are given subtle messages every day that suggest this to be true, depending on the culture of the company or team that you've found yourself in. Everything from the way the majority dresses to the topics of conversation at the lunch table, cue what is acceptable and unacceptable in implicit ways.
2. It pays to change because non-conformity can affect your pocket. Sometimes the retaliation you fear will come to you when you share anything personal about yourself, is financial in nature. It may manifest as the absence of, or reduction in, some monetary incentive that you were expecting, and your gut tells you that this did not result from poor performance (although you don't have any tangible proof). Unfortunately, for many of us, this is too much of a risk to take.
3. Fear of being judged. This is one of the more prevalent underlying reasons for not revealing our Weekend personas to our co-workers. Oftentimes, 'being yourself' or being 'authentic' sound more like cute catchphrases - nice to utter, but few understand what the terms really mean or how to approach it... and even fewer actually put authenticity into daily practice. So we end up being starved for real-life examples of people (above and around us) who bring their whole selves to work while still being successful. And so we're left with a lingering question - if no one else is shedding their superhero mask at the office, then why should I?
4. You were taught that concealing your true self is a prerequisite for success. And this is the toughest one because as adults, the hardest beliefs and attitudes to undo, are the ones that were handed down to us by our elders when we were children.

But being yourself at work doesn't have to be a binary concept.

Although going all the way to having split personalities doesn't seem like the right way to go because of all the emotional energy that one has to use to maintain two distinct personas (think about how stressful it is to keep a secret about yourself from someone you see every day), I recognize that if you haven't been practicing being fully yourself at work for a long time, then making an abrupt change can seem like an enormous task. So why not start slowly and take some baby steps?

• Reveal something about yourself to a co-worker you trust. ...nothing too personal if you're not comfortable or a solid and trust-worthy working relationship has not yet been established. It could be as simple as sharing a little insight into what you like to do when you're not working. Start there and see where it goes.
• Try dressing a wee bit more like your weekend self at work. ...nothing drastic if you're not into this or are already feeling very much like yourself in your work attire. But if you feel like you have to put on a straight jacket every day of the week, and that translates into an outside-in transformation that you'd like to revert, then (within reason) try literally loosening up a bit if you can. Lose the tie! Add some color! Wear those comfy flats! (Ladies, check out Corporette for some fashion ideas that straddle the worlds of uber corporate and weekend chic.)
• Find an office inspiration. Be on the lookout for someone at work who looks like they've already got things figured out. Well not ALL things, but at least this tricky idea of bringing your whole self to work ... and invite them out to tea/coffee to ask them how they managed to pull it off.

If you have more tips to share based on your own experience, I would love for you to share them here. [Please comment below.]

Also, I'm so FAR from being an expert on the topic and am only seeking to help by sharing my own thoughts and experiences. So please check out Brené Brown's inspiring TED Talk on The Power of Vulnerability to learn more about why it's better to bring your true 'Weekend Self' to work every day from an expert who has studied the topic and spoken prolifically about it over the years.

Corporate underdogs and eclectics, rejoice in your strangeness!

Have you ever found yourself in that awkward situation where you show up to an event, enter a room in which everyone seems to have already spent an unnatural amount of time getting acquainted, and suddenly discover that everyone is wearing nearly identical outfits?

Well! I feel that way almost EVERY day at work and it's not just limited to the dress code. In navy-blue-suit, off-white Corporate America, I feel like a rare and exotic bird: a Trini-sounding, sashaying, joke-cracking, smart and feisty bird. Your brand of bird may be different, but I am sure that if you're reading this, you can probably relate.

Only recently, have I begun to realize the impact that I have been having on young people in the company who feel like imposters, and underdogs, and misfits; feeling perplexed about how to BE in order to succeed.

They told me they did not know it was possible to be SO uncompromisingly yourself and be respected at the same time, and I was honestly shocked; because I do not consider myself to be a success (the sky's the limit remember? and there is no limit to the sky! see my earlier post on my mother's mantras).

But then I felt warmed, and humbled, and responsible... responsible for sharing my thoughts and stories with all the other beautiful misfits out there, so that we can be ourselves in a room full of suits and we will all be perfectly fine.